Sometimes, I’m one hundred percent sure that authors are trolling us.
I mean, have you SEEN some of the ridiculous character names that authors have come up with.I swear, they put all the letters of the alphabet on a wheel and spin it a certain amount of times to make up a name.
A couple months back, I asked you all on Twitter whether you wanted to see me talk about authors I’ve met or weird character names, and lo and behold, you wanted to see me talk about weird character names!
So without further ado, let’s get into it!
1.) celaena, chaol, feyre, and rhysand
I will say, I actually didn’t have many issues with the names of Sarah J. Maas’ characters. I read the Throne of Glass series for the first time when they were three books deep, and the paperback version of the first book had a pronunciation guide in the back. But when I read the sample, I was basically saying “Ka-lee-na” and “Ch-ale.” Obviously, that’s completely wrong.
Obviously, Bloomsbury learned from the first time around, because the hardcover copy of A Court of Thorns and Roses had a guide in the back to the name as well, but before I discovered that, I was reading it like “Fear-ee” and “Rye-sand.” Also, wrong.
2.) khalid and shahrzad
I explicitly do not remember a pronunciation guide for the Wrath and the Dawn duology, which is ridiculous, because HOW DOES ONE PRONOUNCE THESE NAMES. I had to double-check the spelling about five times. I am inept.
I feel like I should KNOW how to pronounce Khalid, but I’m torn between “Ka-lead” and “Ka-leed.” Is one of those right? Are they both wrong? I DON’T KNOW. And when it comes to Shahrzad? I tried to read it once, promptly gave up, and just called her “S” the rest of the time.
3.) hermione granger
Did anyone know how to properly pronounce her name, because it seems like everyone said her name differently?
My brother actually read the first book before I ever did (despite his hate for reading), and I just assumed that her name was pronounced “Her-me-one” until my brother corrected me and said it was “Her-my-o-knee,” to which I said “LOL no,” because it isn’t even spelled the way it’s pronounced. But apparently that’s how you pronounce it?
What are words?
4.) jace herondale and maryse lightwood
I’m sure you guys are like, “Mikaela, why the heck did you have problems saying Jace?” But when I was re-reading the books, I noticed that there was this throw-away line that said something about a box having the initials “J.C.” carved into it, like Jace’s name, so I assumed that’s how you were supposed to properly announcing his name. But it seems like everyone’s pronouncing his name like “Jace,” so I’ll have this mini crisis all alone.
And regarding Maryse. HAHAHA…what the heck? I find it sort of funny that I couldn’t pronounce her name correctly because it’s just “May-ris,” but I saw the name “Mary” in there, and assumed that I was supposed to pronounce it, so I was tripping over it by saying “Mary-eese.” I don’t know what was going on there.
Okay, I actually didn’t even read that much of Uprooted. I got through so little of it before I got bored and decided to call it a day.
Did I even attempt to pronounce the main character’s name while reading this book? Of course not. I tried once, and in my head, it sounded like I was sneezing, so I promptly gave up. I mean, is it “Agnes-ka?” “Ag-niece-ka?” “Ag-nieze-ka?” “Ag-niece-zaka?”
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.
Have I read Zenith? No. Will I ever read Zenith? Probably not.
But I swear to you, I totally thought that the main character’s name was “Andromeda” the entire time. I was so sure that the series was called “The Andromeda Cycle.” Apparently, it’s “Androma?” MY ENTIRE LIFE IS A LIE, PEOPLE.
This name seems pretty out of place since this is actually the name of the main character’s best friend in An Abundance of Katherines. But I was so sure that I was pronouncing his name correctly, like “Ha-sohn,” but then it said mid-way through the book that that was not the correct way to pronounce his name, and I was frankly confused.
Can someone please answer this for me? ANYONE?
8.) keimdal, ankran, sumail, jaud, grom-gil-gorm, etc.
I mean, I love Half A King, but oh my God, WHAT ARE SOME OF THESE NAMES?
Like, is there some sort of unspoken rule out there that says that if you’re writing a fantasy book, you must make up ridiculous names? Because it sure as hell seems like it. I’m just saying, if the only name I seem to be able to pronounce is Yarvi, there’s most likely a problem.
I actually was so sure that I was pronouncing her name right, because it’s “Eye-ko,” right?
I was casually reading this post from Kai @ Quartzfeather, and learned that, apparently, Marissa Meyer said you’re supposed to pronounce the name as “Ee-ko.” So excuse me as I have a whole crisis now.
Despite the Daughter of Smoke & Bone trilogy having pretty weird names, I find myself being able to pronounce pretty much all of them. But then all of a sudden, we happen among Thiago, who’s a total asshole, so does it really matter if I get his name correct?
But I’m just mystified at how I’m supposed to say it: is it “Thy-ago” or “Thee-ago?” I guess we’ll never know.
Once again, you’re probably wondering why the heck this name is on the list because it seems pretty damn easy to pronounce.
But I realized that while looking for fictional names to include in this post that his real name was actually Tarver…but this entire time, I’ve been thinking that his name is Travis. In my defense, it’s been about three years since I’ve read These Broken Stars, but how I can I say it’s one of my favorites when I don’t even know the name of one of the leads?
12.) carlisle cullen
I only read Twilight in the entire saga, and it was way back in the sixth grade, but I for sure didn’t know how the heck to pronounce his name.
At first, I pronounced it the way you see it – “Car-liz-el” – but then I learned way later on in life that the actual pronunciation is “Car-lye-el.” Those silent letters and their never-ending trickery!
what are some fictional names that you can’t pronounce? do we share any of the same ones? if you had a child, which fictional character would you name them after?